United Breaks Noses: A Counter-Argument

We've all heard the story by now: United is cruel, because they body-shamed some little girls over their leggings. United is vicious because they beat up some old guy and dragged him off the plane. And American is just as awful because they almost punched a baby and took away his mommy's stroller. Oh, what a world!

Since I fly a lot, my friends and family have been quick to ask my opinion on these issues. Since I fly United, they seem to want me to declare "no mas" and switch to Southwest or something.

They've been surprised by my reaction.

The Facebook class has these bullshit social media sensation stories exactly backwards. Each is a story of a passenger behaving badly and the (admittedly deplorable) treatment they got in return from the beleaguered employees of once-proud businesses brought low by mass consumerism.

Frequent fliers know of, and respect, United's non-revenue passenger dress code. Those girls were flying non-rev and dressed against the code. I only wish United would turn away more of their paying passengers who dress inappropriately to be seen in public! At the very least, the airline should stick to their guns and forbid non-revs to dress like the rest of the animals on the plane.

It's telling that "legging-gate" only happened because another unrelated passenger blew the situation out of proportion with an ill-informed analysis of the situation. While smartphone cameras have brought much illumination to many deplorable situations, this wasn't another black guy getting beaten by police. It was a pair of privileged girls acting inappropriately while flying for free. Boo hoo.

Then there's that guy who was beaten and dragged off a flight. No one deserves to be beaten up by the cops, but there comes a time when we all must obey the rules. It was stupid for United to let everyone board and then ask passengers to give up their seats, but it's completely within the rules. In the grand scheme of things, "miss your flight" is barely even a first-world problem.

Yet this guy persisted, resisted, argued, and fought with the police when they came to get him. What planet are you from? Every day, passengers gripe and moan and complain about how the big, bad airlines treat them. But everyone should know that they must obey the orders of a flight attendant and a cop, at least in as far as those orders are the likes of "get off the plane". This really isn't a United story. It's a cops overreacting story. And that's barely even news these days.

Finally, I turn to the flight attendant who almost punched a baby while grabbing the stroller his mommy was bringing onboard the plane. Here's the thing: You can't bring a stroller on a plane. The gate agents inform people with strollers of this fact. There's a big pile of strollers off the plane right before you get on.

And he didn't punch a baby. He didn't even come close. If I had a dollar for every time I was almost punched I'd have a few, but yet I (amazingly) remain un-punched to this day. And yet American suspended the poor schlub anyway!

In all three cases, "do-gooders with phones" thought the best way to deal with a situation they didn't understand was to film it and share it. This is the real story: Everyone wants to be part of a social media sensation instead of stepping in to defuse a situation or even learn the basic facts.

And the airlines? They're just big horrible companies with poor customer service. Which we already knew.

Oh Geez.

Consulting Moment of Zen

I'm in a meeting with my client. She says, "I need you to fly down to {insert name of random small city} tomorrow to get a handle on what's going on with the conversion.". I say, no problem, I'll grab an afternoon flight so we can lay out a plan in the morning.

My client says, "...you actually like traveling, don't you?".

Does that make me a bad person?

It's Time to Figure this Out

Can anyone explain to me why, given that we now have a new President, that the Dow is STILL down over 400 points today?

I really don't get it.

Attention All Crackberry Addicts!

Sent by an alert Booz Allen Consultant based in Washington D.C:

Best quote: "I am one with my BlackBerry."
_____________________________________________
From the Associated Press

Phantom vibrations shake 'crackberry' addicts

NEW YORK (AP) -- If your hipbone is connected to your BlackBerry or your thighbone is connected to your cell phone, those vibrations you're feeling in the car, in your pajamas, in the shower, may be coming from your headbone.

Cell phone users are reporting feeling vibrations even when their phones aren't ringing.

Many mobile phone addicts and BlackBerry junkies report feeling vibrations when there are none, or feeling as if they're wearing a cell phone when they're not.

The first time it happened to Jonathan Zaback, a manager at the public relations company Burson-Marsteller, he was out with friends and showing off his new BlackBerry Curve.

"While they were looking at it, I felt this vibration on my side. I reached down to grab it and realized there was no BlackBerry there."

Zaback, who said he keeps his BlackBerry by his bed while he sleeps, checks it if he gets up in the middle of the night and wakes to an alarm on the BlackBerry each day, said this didn't worry him.

"As long as it doesn't mean a tumor is growing on my leg because of my BlackBerry, I'm fine with it," he said. "Some people have biological clocks, I might have a biological BlackBerry."

Some users compare the feeling to a phantom limb, which Merriam-Webster's medical dictionary defines as "an often painful sensation of the presence of a limb that has been amputated."

"Even when I don't have the BlackBerry physically on my person, I do find myself adjusting my posture when I sit to accommodate it," said Dawn Mena, an independent technology consultant based in Thousand Oaks, California. "I also laugh at myself as I reach to unclip it (I swear it's there) and find out I don't even have it on."

Research in the area is scant, but theories abound about the phenomenon, which has been termed "ringxiety" or "fauxcellarm."

Anecdotal evidence suggests "people feel the phone is part of them" and "they're not whole" without their phones, since the phones connect them to the world, said B.J. Fogg, director of research and design at Stanford University's Persuasive Technology Lab.

"As human beings, we're so tapped into our community, responsiveness to what's going on, we're so attuned to the threat of isolation and rejection, we'd rather make a mistake than miss a call," he said. "Our brain is going to be scanning and scanning and scanning to see if we have to respond socially to someone."

In certain circles, phantom vibrations are a point of pride.

"Of course I get them," said Fred Wilson, a managing partner of Union Square Ventures, an early-stage venture capital firm based in New York. "I've been getting them for over 10 years since I started with the pager-style BlackBerry."

For others, it's one more tech irritation.

Jeff Posner, president and owner of e-ventsreg.com in New Jersey, which allows users to register and check in for trade shows and other events, stopped wearing his BlackBerry on his belt because of regular false alarms. He put it in the chest pocket of his shirt but found that was worse, because now his phone dials automatically, which has created a new annoyance: It always calls the same person, he said.

"Phones have favorite friends," he said. "It's like your phones have a thing for each other. Of course, it's a female friend, so my wife is like, 'You're calling her all the time."'

Complicating things further, his own phone is his sales manager's favorite friend.

"Her phone calls me all the time," he said. "I'll get a call and hear whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. It's her, walking."

"Dilbert" cartoonist Scott Adams wrote on his blog, dilbert.org, that he feels the phantom vibrations, "about 10 times per day" and thinks "'Ooh, it's an e-mail with good news!' So far, the only good news is that my pocket is vibrating, and that's OK because it gives me hope that the condition might spread to the rest of my pants."

Jake Ward, a former press secretary for Sen. Olympia Snowe and current director of Qorvis Communications Inc., a public relations company in Washington, D.C., said he switched his BlackBerry from his hip to his jacket pocket six months ago, but still feels it there.

"Aftershocks," he said.

He also claims to "pre-feel" a new message or call. "I'll feel it, look at it. It's not vibrating. Then it starts vibrating," he said. "I am one with my BlackBerry."

For some, it's a matter of projecting hope onto their wireless device. Don Katz said he came out of retirement to work as director of wireline product management at SpinVox Inc. because he was so impressed with the company's voicemail product. He worked on its recent launch at SaskTel, the telecom company in Saskatchewan, Canada. That may be why, on a recent train trip to New York, he kept checking his phone, because he said he was sure it was vibrating.

"It's like, my phone should be ringing," he said. "It's anticipatory vibrations."

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press.

Where Have All The Heroes Gone?

A New Foreign Correspondent:

Apparently, Mr. John Rambo, Green Beret and Vietnam Veteran, aka Sylvester Stallone, has been the on-site reporter for the on going atrocities in Myanmar. He has personally reported seeing “unspeakable atrocities”.

So, Mr. Rambo, did you do nothing? For decades the name, “Rambo” has been associated, nay, defined by an uncompromising wild, anti-establishment spirit, one that is both reckless in its violent abandon as much as it is emotional in its final, decisive, victory.

If Rambo had business cards, I have no doubt they would kick your ass just sitting on your desk. I can imagine it now:

John Rambo
Taking Care of Corrupt Police Departments Run and Fighting as the Underdog Facing Insurmountable Odds in the Cold War
Fighting the Good Fight Since 1982

Perhaps it is ignorant to inquire, but why exactly is John Rambo, the underdog, the savior of innocent women and children, who is characterized by wading knee deep in blood and gore, standing by reporting while witnessing these atrocities and doing nothing?

Why, I ask, did Mr. Rambo not wade across the river and work a little of his whoop ass magic like he did in Rambo 1, 2 AND 3? Not enough performance enhancing substances?

One would think that “First Blood” would’ve given Mr. Rambo a chance to learn how to fight the good fight. Let’s say, he was a slow learner (maybe a little too much Rocky Balboa and not enough Marion Cobretti?), and therefore needed two additional training films.

Is not three movies where blood, guts and gore flow freely not enough training for Mr. Rambo?

Perhaps at the age “61” he has taken the famous Danny Glover line of “I’m getting too old for this s**t” and made it his mantra.

Has his old age lessened his edge? Perhaps this latest movie he is filming should be titles:

“John Rambo: Have Walker, Will Travel (slowly)”
Or
“Rambo 6: Wading Across the River Salween…For a Story”
Or even
“John Rambo, Not as Good Looking as Christiana Amanpour"

Maybe, instead of wielding the sword he has opted for a pen, pocket pad and a typewriter. And perhaps, more appropriately, his new movies will be more editorial in subject matter.

Afterall, isn’t the “Pen Mightier than the Sword”?