A Bigger Problem: Part 3 of Sex Among the Consulting Class

Sex is a tricky subject, especially in a competitive and personality-driven field like consulting. Far from a simple, universal, physical act, sex brings along issues of power and misogyny, as well as obvious legal and contractual troubles. This is part 3 of a 3-part post on the dynamics of consulting and sex.

• What We Do: Part 1 of Sex Among the Consulting Class
• Women Consultants: Part 2 of Sex Among the Consulting Class
• A Bigger Problem: Part 3 of Sex Among the Consulting Class

A Bigger Problem

I don't have an answer for this issue, and it goes way beyond the world of consulting. Women everywhere are subjected to double standards, objectified and harassed, and yet still expected to battle it out in the workplace with men.

Frankly, sex is inappropriate any time it's between a boss and a subordinate and this is a continuing issue for consultants. Woman or man, we shouldn't be sleeping around issues of power and money. I find that women are just as interested in sex as men, but their qualification minefield is harder to navigate. That's why it's so nice find an "out" that's outside the structure!

Photo by celikins

After seeing each other around the hotel for a few days, a woman and I got to talking. Turns out she was a partner at a big firm and rarely had the opportunity to "engage" with men who weren't co-workers or clients. It was such a relief for both of us to be our bad selves, talk about work, and get some flirting done without it winding up on our performance report! Neither of us wanted to let a chance like that go to waste, since suddenly all the power issues could be set aside and we could just be a man and a woman. But this sort of opportunity is rarer than most outsiders think.

Honestly, there isn't all that much sex going on among consultants. Probably no more than other fields, and definitely not what the "stud/slut" image might suggest! Just as in all other fields, the sexual dynamics too often get in the way. That, and we're smart enough to know what sexual dynamics and repercussions are!

Previously: What We Do
Previously: Women Consultants

Women Consultants: Part 2 of Sex Among the Consulting Class

Sex is a tricky subject, especially in a competitive and personality-driven field like consulting. Far from a simple, universal, physical act, sex brings along issues of power and misogyny, as well as obvious legal and contractual troubles. This is part 2 of a 3-part post on the dynamics of consulting and sex.

• What We Do: Part 1 of Sex Among the Consulting Class
• Women Consultants: Part 2 of Sex Among the Consulting Class
• A Bigger Problem: Part 3 of Sex Among the Consulting Class

Women Consultants

Photo by MA1216

It's no wonder that our clients want to bed us, but the psycho-sexual stud/slut nature of consulting runs smack into deeper cultural norms for men and women. Everyone thinks we consultants sleep our way around the world. How could we not? But while male consultants are celebrated for our virility, the women have a tougher row to hoe.

I have often had women at the client site try to hook up with me. They are usually sweet and charming, but some are more forthcoming. Regardless, I am in charge and able to decide whether to go with it or gently decline. Being a man, I never encountered a really sticky client-side sexual situation.

Women consultants have to deal with an entirely different world, however. They're sluts, right? Worldly, coin-operated, and experienced. Why wouldn't they sleep with a boring middle-manager who demanded it? Especially if the contract was on the line.

This sucks. Most of my female colleagues refuse to visit the hotel bar for fear of being harassed, and they're right: I've seen what happens when one ventures there after hours. Every woman consultant I've talked with tells me she has received inappropriate and unwanted advances. Most have been threatened to the brink of blackmail. And mostly the clients felt justified in this. They're sluts, remember?

Previously: What We Do
Next up: A Bigger Problem

What We Do: Part 1 of Sex Among the Consulting Class

Sex is a tricky subject, especially in a competitive and personality-driven field like consulting. Far from a simple, universal, physical act, sex brings along issues of power and misogyny, as well as obvious legal and contractual troubles. This is part 1 of a 3-part post on the dynamics of consulting and sex.

• What We Do: Part 1 of Sex Among the Consulting Class
• Women Consultants: Part 2 of Sex Among the Consulting Class
• A Bigger Problem: Part 3 of Sex Among the Consulting Class

What We Do

Photo by GoingSolo

Although outsiders might think consulting is results-driven above all else, the truth is somewhat more muddy. Frankly, the work itself isn't really all that challenging for "A players". Sure, we need creativity, experience, and knowledge. But we have that, or at least some of us do. Truthfully, the difference between success and failure of a project has much more to do with charisma and salesmanship than content!

There's a great deal of posturing involved in consulting. We declare ourselves experts and recruit a choir to sing our praises. We dress better, speak better, and are far more worldly than our customers. Frankly, most of the people who hire me wish they could have my lifestyle, but see themselves trapped themselves behind a desk while I roam free in the first class lounge!

This creates an oddly sexual dynamic in the workplace. We consultants are like Hollywood stars: At once attractive and repulsive, desirable and reprehensible, studs and sluts. And this applies to male and female consultants alike: Both genders are seen as studs and both are seen as sluts!

Next up: Women Consultants
Then: A Bigger Problem 

One Last Hurrah for Her

IT consultants are mostly men, eliminating most opportunities to hook up with co-workers. It's much easier to pick up a real estate agent at the hotel bar than try to convince the much-hounded hotties of IT they should bed down with you! But sometimes the cards fall in your favor, with a woman consultant on the hunt for a boy toy!

I was lucky enough to be part of a multi-disciplinary strategy project, including servers, applications, organizational realignment, and even human resources advice. Yeah, you heard that right: We had an HR consultant on our team!

I wasn't sure who they'd get for that role. Our company sure as hell didn't have anyone remotely qualified! But one of the local managers had a friend who'd just retired from a lower VP of HR role at a respected company, so they brought her in for one last hurrah as a consultant.

I had just turned 30, so a recently-retired teammate barely even registered, even though I heard it was a woman. Instead, we all settled on the back tables at the hotel bar, watching baseball before we kicked off our new project. Consultants are known to drink. And considering the nature of the job, we're known to drink well. But nothing could have prepared me for that night!

After a few hours, our new team member arrived. "Lilith" was hot. There's just no way around that. Even at 60, she was slim and ready for a young stud like me. And this girl could drink: She started by ordering a bottle of red wine, much to the shock of us con-boys!

She immediately zeroed in on me. She plunked down her bottle and glass, looked me in the eye, and began to spill the beans. She wasn't recently retired, so much as fired. Her offense? Boredom. And she was also recently divorced after 35 years. Her offense? Boredom.

She wanted to know what the consultant life was like, so who was I to deny her that? I needed to pick up some new dress shirts anyway (it was a long project) so I offered to take her into the city with me. You never saw anything like the eyes on this bored old dame when a guy half her age offers to take her to Macy's, dinner, and drinks in the big, bad city!

I was young enough not to know what I had my hands on. We had a fantastic night on the town before cabbing back to the hotel. I was even too naive to understand why she needed me to carry her bags back to her room! But it didn't take long to figure out what she had in store once the door closed.

We didn't see each other again after that week. It turned out she was fired for incompetence as well as boredom, and even a consultant needs to show some capacity to produce deliverables. I hear she retired for good the next week, not needing the money or work anymore. I also hear she shocked her friend by shacking up with a young stud there half her age. Who saw that coming?

She reached out once, letting me know how much she enjoyed our night out and making sure I was ok with it. A class act!