Tuesday, November 6, 2018

When the Open Office is Closing In

Everyone has seen an "open plan office" setup. A bunch of my clients had them, especially Out West. I actually liked the look, minus the dogs and yoga balls, but I hadn't really worked in one until now.

In an open office, everyone can smell your food or be offended by your body odor. Everyone can see what your high school buddies post on Facebook and wonder if you're like that too. Everyone literally notices when you get up to get a snack or go to the can.

So no one gets anything done. I spend literally hours a day looking around to see who else is peeking over my shoulder. I got a convex mirror for my monitor as swag and actually taped it to my monitor. Logo and all. I know, right?

One of the guys in the office eats a lot of fish and chili. Sometimes he eats them together. I swear. Go to the "cafe" if you're going to do that! And then there's Ms. Vegan who always has to cast side-eye at the cheese on my sandwich or my god damn gummy bears. I guess I should go to the cage too.

And open plan offices are silent as the grave. No one is willing to take a call with another person sitting 24 inches from them out in the open. They'd gab all day if there was a felt and steel half-wall there, but they won't even say good-freaking-morning out in the open like that. Someone might spit at you or something!

Cubes suck too, but not as much as I thought. I guess I'll go to Panera to take this call. Who wants some bagged soup?

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