An Open Letter to Disgruntled Hotel Staff

The following is a response to the alleged Marriott staffer who complained about the tantrums of elite guests.

Dear hotel staff,

Do you know who I am? I am your best customer. I am the reason you have a fatter paycheck than the guy at the Motel 6. I am the reason you get to dress nicely and not worry about being mugged while on the evening shift. I am the reason your hotel can afford to offer a Starbucks, a restaurant, and a full-service bar. In short, you'd be screwed without me.

I know it must annoy you to have some rich prick complaining he didn't get his breakfast coupons and two bottles of water. And I know you must seethe when they complain that their upgraded room isn't upgraded enough, even though it's larger and nicer than your shared apartment. But take a breath and be nice anyway.

Consider this:

• This prick (or his firm) spent more than your monthly rent for two nights in this room, so maybe he really is entitled to a big, luxurious room
• Customers like him regularly toss around hourly-wage-sized tips (and more) to the staff at your hotel, but only if you're not a prick too
• Anyone with top elite status spent more than your annual salary at the hotel chain you work for, so that one guy represents your job
• I know it seems petty to ask for a bottle of water or cookie or piece of fruit, but this guy just got off a plane and he really is hungry

But most importantly, consider this: There are a dozen "business class" hotels in your city. If this arrogant prick decides to take his (and his firm's) business elsewhere, you're out of a job. And though you might not be living the high life like him, yours is going to suck if you get fired.

So hand over the water, upgrade the room, and thank him for his business. Feel free to rant, but only when you're off-property.

Sincerely,
A Crazy Consultant