Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Borax

Written by Furio

What is a Borax? For various times throughout history, there have been unsubstantiated reports of Borax sightings and most are presented through anecdotal in nature, passed through oral traditions at either the coffee pot or whatever substitutes for the modern office's "water cooler".

The Borax, it is theorized, is found mainly within corporate environments. It is theorized, through not conclusively proven, that a Borax may be found within all corporate structures within the 48 contiguous United States.

Physical Attributes
The Borax is a large, mostly bald creature with matted hair, generally gray in color, appears to be wind driven and can be found in various states of disarray despite windless days or long periods indoors. When queried, the Borax will explain the lack of cranial hair as the result of over heating or extension of its brain. Behavioral studies have shown that this is not the case and if anything, the lack of cranial hair is due to the lack of brain activity actively stimulating the hair follicles. Field researches observing the Borax face multiple risks including boredom, lack of stimulating effort, frustration (explains the lack of crainial hair upon field researchers), ambiguous guidance, short term notice of large scale changes, pointless meetings, assumption of credit and scope creep.

The Borax most often appears to be advanced in age. While this attribute may appear to be true, it is often unclear as to the exact age of a particular Borax. It is hypothesized that the Borax prematurely ages due to the level of boredom to which it brings to even the most stimulating tasks. Often the Borax is overweight. Due to distorted body issues, this create insists on wearing clothing much too small. Often, the resultant image often takes years of intensive therapy to overcome.

Fecundity and Reproduction
Science has, up to this point, has been mute on the topic of Borax fecundity. It is suppose that the large population of Borax within the United States is due to the continued reproduction of the Borax. Questions remain however, how said Borax would woo another due to the overwhelming boredom they appear to coalesce when present. Supposing the female Borax does, in fact exist, helps account for the large number of Borax alive today.

Borax appear to be male, though it is unclear whether this is due to the fact that male and female Borax bear such resemblance to each other that at a casual glance both appear masculine in appearance. It is, however, a generally accepted principle that female Borax exist though photographic evidence of a female Borax has yet to be found or substantiated. It has been posited that the photographic evidence shot in the Oregon wilderness is not actually a Bigfoot but in fact a female Borax. General behavioral observations have shown that the Borax is camera shy. It is supposed that the close proximity of the Borax to the individuals manning the camera filming the event were in fact Borax themselves.

Though various issues with the Borax are yet to be resolved, it is clear the Borax, long thought to be near extinction, is in fact alive and well. Observes are urged to not approach a Borax unless appropriately attired and prepared. Often encounters are prolonged and the observer feels drained and it is for this reason that no one should attempt to encounter a Borax alone.

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