i recently broke my tailbone when i was on a date (a great way to make an impression, let me tell you). the doc said 4 to 6 weeks before i would be back to normal. the weekend it happened, my friends were kind enough to buy me a very fashion-forward "donut" from the local walgreens. they even offered to bedazzle it for me, but something told me i should pass. this donut was bright yellow, the kind you don't miss. you know, these are the things old people sit on when they have hemorrhoids, or that women use after they've given birth. "great," i thought,"not only do i walk around as if i were incredibly constipated, but i now get to carry around a billboard confirming everyone's suspicion".
the donut was supposed to enable me to actually sit down without much pain, but as i've learned, pain is relative. for me, the pain was mind-numbing, even when i used the donut to sit on a slab of cement (read: airline seat). regardless, i made the wise decision to use it on my long flights to the client. i also bring it to client meetings and lunch! yay!
one thursday, i began my embarrassing ritual of pulling out the donut from my trusty hiding place (backpack) and situating it on the seat until it was in the "perfect" position. just when i thought my life couldn't get any more pathetic, the man next to me asked for a seat belt extender. he then asked (looking down at my new fashion accessory) what was wrong with me. i'm sure this was something that was top-of-mind of everyone in the immediate vicinity. just loud enough for people to overhear, i told him that when he's unfortunate enough to break his tailbone, he'd get one too.
i'm unapologetically superficial, vain, and high-maintenance. for all you haters out there, you're in luck...it's been miserable having to use the donut in public. one bonus, though: this has been a huge lesson in humility. what did i do in a former life to deserve this? and more importantly, how much credit does this buy me in purgatory? ;)