You've been a consultant too long when...

A true classic, started by two friends and me back in the Big 8 days...

You know you've been a consultant too long when...

- you've succeeded in memorizing the morning and afternoon schedules of two major airlines' flights to your client's site;
- you can execute five complex tasks simultaneously, but you can't remember what you had for breakfast that morning;
- you have enough "vendor" ID badges for a royal flush and two pair;
- you know all the late night security guards and cleaning staff at the client site on a first name basis;
- you use so many acronyms you no longer know which are your company's, the client's or the software vendor's;
- you feel naked without a laptop hanging from your left shoulder;
- you say "Whoopee!  Half day!"  when you leave at 10:00PM;
- you start thinking that life in the US Navy Submarine Corps would give you more time at home;
- you give your laptop a pet name;
- you are a little disappointed when you come home on Friday night and the lights aren't on, the bed isn't turned down, and there are no chocolates on your pillow;
- "vacationing" is spending an entire weekend in your own home;
- you order room service without looking at the menu;
- you have seen more movies in a plane than on the ground
- you forget how to turn on the windshield wipers in your own car;
- your resume' looks like a phone book;
- the client says your rates are too high, and you blush;
- you introduce yourself to your next door neighbors ... again;
- your spouse flies home (to your hotel) for the weekend;
- you use the word "paradigm", "granularity", or "robust" in a conversation;
- someone mentions a 7:00 meeting and you say, "AM or PM?";
- you cry when your laptop won't start;
- you carry on a 5 minute conversation about resource optimization, then you ask what it means;
- when other people speak of vacations in warm sunny places, you get a lost look on your face, cock your head to one side like a dog hearing a whistle, and say, "...my last vacation was, um, it was, ah, um, er ....";
- you have a day off, and you call work;
- you write a workplan for your vacation (or wedding);
- someone asks you what you do for a living, and you can't answer the question;
- before starting the car, you insist on telling everyone where the emergency exits are;
- before stopping the car, you insist that everyone stay seated until the fasten seatbelts sign is off;
- you call the help desk with a made up question just for fun;
- a good dinner consists of vending machine snacks;
- a good lunch consists of vending machine snacks;
- you can tell the hotel staff what their room-rate policy is;
- instant coffee tastes good;
- you can remember 15 client and hotel phone numbers, but you get stumped when asked for your home number;
- the hotel staff recognizes you and gives you the same room every week (this is not always good);
- the room service staff feels free to nag and fight with you because they know you'll be back next week anyway;
- you know all the favorite radio stations of all the valet parking guys;
- you get more calls from the hotel staff to see if you're OK than you do from your friends;
- you realize the hotel staff are your friends;